Parent-Child Conversations

I decided to battle the holiday crowds at the mall today and return a few Christmas gifts that didn't fit. As I was standing in line I happened to overhear a conversation that was occurring immediately behind me. A very well-dressed, made up woman was standing with what I guessed to be her eighteen or nineteen year old daughter. The daughter teased her mother by asking her if she would buy her items for her. I was surprised by the mother's tone of voice as she said "no" with a bitter, sarcastic tone. The line was very slow moving. A few minutes later the daughter initiated conversation with the mother again by stating that she had received more Christmas money than expected, and aside from owing her friend a hundred dollars for an upcoming event, wondered what she should do with the rest. She specifically asked her mother how much money she should save. As I heard this the educator in me thought that this was a great teachable moment for the mother to discuss fiscal responsibility and saving with the daughter. But instead of this, the mother snapped at the daughter by asking her to be quiet because she wanted peace and quiet while they waited in line. The daughter stated that she just wanted to know her mother's opinion and the mother responded by telling the daughter to ask her father for his when they got home. The daughter retorted by saying that the father would tell her not to bother him if she asked for advice. Now I realize as an outsider I am not privy to the context or history of this conversation, but as a bystander I felt quite uncomfortable by the whole thing. I resisted the urge to jump into the conversation or give the girl a hug. How do parents learn to interact with their children? What can bystanders do in situations like this? How long had this toxic mother-daughter relationship existed and was the teenager spoken to like this as a young girl? What impact had this on her relationship with her family and others?

It reminded me of Raffi's notion of "Child Honouring" (see link below) and how children are our greatest gifts...meant to be nurtured and encouraged in their explorations for a safe and healthy tomorrow. I believe that as educators we must extend our interactions with parents beyond the regimented monthly newsletter. We should engage in meaningful conversations about children and their potential. However about how we delicately go about doing this I am not quite sure. Perhaps we can start by modeling loving, involved, interested relationships with our children. As the conversation between the mother and daughter ended, I used the fifteen minutes I waited in line to stroke my baby's cheek as he slept in his stroller.